X-No-archive: yes
Post by lab~rat >:-)Not surprisingly, there were no comments made about that painting in
this or the Jessica Alba group during the first run of Dark Angel.
Clearly the reason was that it had nothing to do with Jessica's beauty
or how much Sarah Michelle Gellar sucks...
I feel it's important that I talk to you about Jessica Alba.
Sometimes, one simply has to make a stand.
I do not fancy Jessica Alba. This is a problem that must be addressed,
because it's an issue that could otherwise get out of hand. The
trouble is, she's obviously intended to appeal to me - the geeky,
Internet male - and at first glance, one says, 'Yes, Jessica. You're
female. You're under eighty-five years old. And you're given to
playing plucky women in off-beat/sci-fi settings. Climb on.' But, when
you really look, she's simply not very attractive. What's more (and
this is the crucial thing - it's what we have to nip in the bud before
it becomes the norm), she's not the first. Jennifer Garner - Alias;
martial arts; red wigs; cool; she's very... Hold on. No: she actually
looks like her face was stopped halfway through being morphed into
Frozone from the Incredibles.
What I'm saying is that we're being treated badly here. Time was when
Alyson Hannigan - my future wife - was, more than acceptably, given to
us to dribble over. The women offered up as gorgeous, nerd-magnets
genuinely delivered the goods, Now, with the implicit declaration that
This Is An Uber-Minx, we're being palmed off (if you'll forgive the
phrase), with the likes of J Alba and J Garner. It is, frankly, a form
of abuse. I really, really don't need to be watching The Fantastic
Four and find myself thinking, 'Ffff - when are we going to get back
to Michael Chiklis?' With that kind of thing feeding subliminally into
your brain for any length of time, the next thing you know you find
it's somehow a year later and you have lots of tremendously
well-tailored shirts and a comprehensive Barbra Streisand collection.
But it's not just about me. My girlfriend regards it as her right to
be able to watch films with me, and glare searingly at my face during
the times that someone like, say, Kate Beckinsale, is on screen:
searching for the slightest quiver in my features which she is then
able to extrapolate into a series of accusations and demands that
culminate in my spending the night sleeping in the bath. If Alba's up
there she feels cheated.
-- written by Mil Millington, author of Things My Girlfriend and I
Have Argued About and other novels
